sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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