I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
