Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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