But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
A+ Viking dick
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
