I want to stick my p in your. b.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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