U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
