Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
