is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
