you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
