We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
