i jhust puked up my retainher.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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