I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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