All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
