you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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