dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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