just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
