It's like God shit irony all over that family
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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