Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
