So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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