i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
