I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
