and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
