Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
