Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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