Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
