dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Jerry, you need to find god
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
