i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
