i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
