There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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