I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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