i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
