i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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