i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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