I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
