Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
