just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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