He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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