did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
