READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
