How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
