i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
