I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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