Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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