peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
