Michael Bay diarrhea
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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