I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
