im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
