I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
