Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
