I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
