he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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