U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
