Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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