She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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