Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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